Johnny Phillips was a fine leg-spin bowler for the Northern District cricket club and was unlucky not to have been awarded a state cap. Apart from his bowling, Johnny was also noted for his brilliant fielding and for his ability to drink copious quantities of the amber fluid at the end of each game.

On one occasion Johnny was bowling against Petersham at Waitara Oval and the umpire at the bowler’s end was Fred Tilley. Fred, who had officiated around the Sydney grade scene for many years, was an umpire well respected by the players. Unlike some of his colleagues, Fred was a pleasant, smiling man who enjoyed the conviviality and camaraderie after the game as much as he enjoyed the game itself. When it came to the drinking of beer, I hesitate to say that Fred Tilley was in the class of Johnny Phillips but on the other hand, it must be admitted that fred had been doing it longer.

In this particular game, Petersham’s best batsman, Noel Hughes, had been having difficulty picking Johnny’s “wrong-un” and eventually, he nicked one and was comfortably caught behind by the keeper. There was a screaming appeal from everyone.

“Not out, “said Tilley. Then the following conversation ensued:

Phillips: What did you say?

Tilley: I said “not out”

Phillips: (Expletive) that was the worst (expletive) decision I’ve ever seen.

Tilley: You’re entitled to your opinion, Johnny, but the decision remains not out

Phillips: I knew you were getting old Fred but I dint realise you were going (expletive) blind as well.

Tilley: Could be, Johnny, because I didn’t see the bat touch the ball.

Phillips: Well surely you heard the (expletive) snick. Gee, they (expletive) heard it in Hornsby (expletive) shopping centre.

Tilley: I’m getting the feeling that you’re angry with me Johnny. Is that correct?

Phillips: Of course I’m (expletive) angry with you, you blind old (expletive).

Tilley: Then I suppose this means I won’t be able to buy you a beer after the game?

(Phillips looked down the wicket at the batsman, then looked back at the umpire and grinned.)

Phillips: You know Fred, come to think about it, I’ve seen worse decisions. After all, you’re doing the best you can, aren’t you